I'm not sure how many people are familiar with Esquire magazine's occasional mock obituaries feature, but I came across one from last March that I thought was particularly funny and -- in a time when companies and their marketing departments often declare themselves to be "green," without the policies and practices in place to back it up -- particularly poignant.From Esquire.com: --- Green, 36, Is Dead The word green, which for decades served as a signifier of something that helped the environment or promoted sustainability, lost all meaning Monday. It was thirty-six. Green had shown surprising resilience recently, surviving a series of assaults including the introduction of "green" chain saws and "green" sable coats. It defied experts by living through a special Green Week promotion on NBC, which included a two-minute dialogue on Law & Order: SVU about composting cadavers. It even made it through several ads from Beyond Petroleum (formerly British Petroleum) featuring footage of floating leaves and waterfalls. Green succumbed Monday with the filing of a patent application for "Green Styrofoam," a type of Styrofoam that decomposes in approximately eight million years, instead of the usual eleven million.
[This story originally appeared in the March 2008 issue of Esquire.] ---